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Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

Deep thought from a Hugh Grant Movie!

Posted by Girish Krishnan on June 20, 2008

“A melody is like seeing someone for the first time. The physical attraction. Sex. But then, as you get to know the person, that’s the lyrics. Their story. Who they are underneath. It’s the combination of the 2 that makes it magical”
– Music & Lyrics: Sophie Fisher (Drew Barrymore) rough quote

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Insulting the Monkey!

Posted by Girish Krishnan on January 8, 2008

The following usages are amongst the ones which would be soon banned in our cricketing fraternity – “Hawk Eye”, “Out for a duck”,”Sitting Duck”, “Pigeon Mcgrath”, “Bengal Tiger Ganguly”, “Tiger of Pataudi”. The phrases below would soon be questioned – “As fast as a cheetah”, “as alert as a dog”, “lamb willing to get slaughtered”, “hopping like a kangaroo”! I heard that the Indian team is considering to take back their MVP Agarkar (MVP for India or its opposition! – can’t deny that he always makes a difference to the game!) in the team to get the Aussies in trouble. Remember, they made the racist remark of him being “The Bombay Duck” when he scored (or didn’t!) 6 consecutive ducks in the last series against them.

More restrictions to follow – you are not supposed to call anyone a “Kangaroo” or a “Donkey” or “Pig”!! What will happen to people who want to do only mild abuses? I guess they would have to go to unbanned territory of f**ks and s***w you’s to live a decent life from now on! “Dude, look there – that chick looks hot!” (siren rings) . Am in Detroit – “Hey dog, how u doin?” (more siren!) .

After long and thoughtful discussions, myself and Ata (short for Ajay Thomas Abraham who is a good friend of mine) came to the conclusion that people have got it all wrong. According to the Oxford dictionary (which has gone out of use nowadays), Monkey is the name given to a particular kind of chest thumping, alpha active animal which takes pride in scratching itself publicly. Unfortunately for Symonds and the Aussies, “Monkeys” cannot be called a race! Have you ever seen a particular race of human being in a zoo? But hey, you do see monkeys there. I overheard that according to the Aussie Law, the monkeys over there are entitled to social security pension and insurance now! The latest news is that the Aussie Monkey Association is moving to court because apparently in the zoos they are being subjected to racism (kids are calling them Symonds!! ooooh – that’s serious offense!)

Mr Symonds – I think you should be suing DD-National channel for all your problems. Long time ago, they telecasted a mythological serial called “Ramayan” which had Dhara Singh playing the great “Hanuman” – our monkey god, with brilliant superpowers and who is an embodiment of all the good in the world. Unfortunately for you (actually its unfortunate for Hanuman), Dhara singh bears an uncanny resemblance to you esp when you appear with that white cream on your face and i feel that is the root cause of all problems!

You were on the verge of being revered in India, but now are on the “hate” list of everyone for being such a cry baby. Anyways, i think its time for the media to correct the alleged racist remarks against Bhajji – at least the accusation should be that he is a speciest and not a racist!

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Celebrate Bad Hair day!

Posted by Girish Krishnan on December 6, 2006

There are lot of special days that are celebrated throughout the year – Independence day, Gandhi Jayanthi, World AiDS day, International Hug Day, Pie in the face day, Air your Dirty laundry day etc. These days are celebrated in rememberance of some historic event/personality or as a motivation for people to achieve some very essential milestones.

Just in case you are unaware, there’s something special about today ie 6th dec too..a quote says – “Forgot to brush your hair? – thats ok because its International bad hair day today!”

Here’s what i am planning to do as part of todays celebrations – Anyone could feel free to emulate!
– Take stock of the evolutionary changes that are undergoing on top of (outside of) my skull  – my friends would know that the interiors have irreversably got distorted long time back 😉
– Observe the silver linings of my life – these are recent developments and i have seen 5 to 6 of them already!
– The glittering metro up on my head is extending beyond its permitted frontiers – Need to plan to take action to curtail deforestation – Probably fall back to the original “Thali” leaf medication!
– Collect statistics about competition at the singles group of my age and see how i fare against the national average! ( my gut feel tells me that i am actually in a position of envy –  he he 🙂 )
– Last but not the least i am planning a bit of sadistic activity too – will try to juss put the topic across to various sections on the brink/facing the catastrophe.. 😎

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Kramer is a good guy..

Posted by Girish Krishnan on November 25, 2006

Check out this link – its got a picture of Micheal Richards aka Kramer! and some new controversy he’s created!!

Sometimes you feel that the world is cruel to people who are funny – its a thing about creativity and it needs some tolerance to actually generate interesting stuff. These can come out only by trying out various things and its pretty difficult to walk the politically correct path always.

But the static thing about many people who fall in this category is that nothing is intentional, and is ultimately done in good stead – and most probably the racial slur issue that Kramer has gotten into was also not intended in the fashion it has been made out to be.

Seinfeld has been the most successful sitcom in the history of sitcoms and a good part of the credit should go to Kramer. Kramer is like a parasite who lives on Jerry, and is a complete nutcase both by his looks and behaviour that you find it difficult to recognize him if he’s dressed neat in some photo!

After a tough days work, watching Seinfeld on Star World (india) @7:30 PM is probably one of the most relaxing things you could do. Its a “show about nothing” and ultimately all four of S,E,G & K are tainted individuals/crooks, but the amount of fun the chemistry between these people delivers on screen is amazing!

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Corporatised terror – wanna campus recruit now?

Posted by Girish Krishnan on November 22, 2006

The train blasts in West Bengal killed seven people and suspicions are on the KLO, ULFA – these guys have been fighting for a seperate state for some time now (the north-eastern part of bengal – siliguri area). Well,terrorism is getting pretty corporatised these days, and i am assuming even for ISI or SIMI or any of these organizations, there are designations like Head of Operations – India or Manager – South Zone, CFO, CAO (Chief Arms Officer) etc. Behavioural theories and good corporate governance principles are being followed in all these organizations to keep them going and also to keep the employees motivated.

I heard ISI gives free flyback to new places – but return trips arent always assured, they have operational issues! Alqda, offers free vacation (only for grade A and B designations) in picturesque mountains of Afghanistan from where you could closely view fireworks everyday ….Anyways, despite the perks i seriously believe that all these organizations lack good MBAs…

The fundamental driving force behind any corporate should be to increase shareholder value and in the real world so much of quantitative analysis is put in just to make sure that the shareholders dont lose out. In the light of all this, i was just wondering if people have ever done a statistical study on how many terrorist organizations have achieved ever lasting peace in the last 50 years?  or achieved their long term goal of liberating a  state or country in the same time frame?

I am assuming that the success rate is pretty dismal, even the absolute numbers should be pathetic!.Even when they succeeded, the violence and blood shed would have inflicted deep wounds within the community, that would always leave a tendency for another uprising. Seperating from something/someone close is always a painful exercise, and it should be done very carefully. I seriously believe that these terror corporates should realign their focus and use other means to fight for their causes..(now that gk has said that, the world is gonna change – duh !!)

I am still searching for statistics on terror but stopped firing search queries after sometime because you never know if someone is tracking higher number of requests with these words..will keep the post updated, but do let me know if any of you get some stats on this..

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A soul writes in pain…

Posted by Girish Krishnan on November 15, 2006

A soul writes in pain….someone committed a grave mistake..and its kind of unpardonable, ever! (some ethnic bashing comin up here, all written by the evil twin)

I was getting very favourable treatment from someone, and finally i discovered that it was because i was mistaken to be a Bengali..Yeah, i mean a Bong!!! that too me?’on, dont tell me so, plsss:-) Aren’t people supposed to find out that i am mallu on hearing the first word i utter? Its like that ol “Kahan se aayi tu” Lakme Lavender mist ad, I bring the malluness with me, whereever i go, whatever i do…BTW Mallu is kickin ass nowadays.. Lolakutty happens to be the latest fashion icon, Priety is off the list! Check out BoneyM (they call it Boney menon) “Daddy cool” in V-Channel- Lolakutty juss rocks!
Lolakutty: I yaam Maa Baker, Putt ur haaandds in theee aeir, andu give mey aaal theee maney”!!! wow, bringin sexy back!

Vajpayee is out, AK Antony is India’s new political role model! Know what the acid test for a mallu is? Ask them to say “Coconut Oil” and wait to hear some obscene stuff 😉

Another point is, since i am kind of a mix (actually neither here nor there types!) at least i could have been considered a Tam! (Short for Tamilian). I think Tams speak more through their nose and mostly from their heart, kind of sensitive, Proud to be Tam, kinds!  Saw this in some movie on how people from various states call their mom’s..Emotion filled, Tam “Ammaaaaaaaaa” wins big time!..Yeah, with all that stuff i described, may be i am far from being identified as a Tam too..but i am seriously confused, on how i got mistaken to be a Bengali!!

Well,then i figured out that it could be because of the looks..Bong’s have this habit of appearing to be very intellectual beings, with a pair of old fashioned specs and a pointed french beard. Dont know if people have observed this, but in many hindi movies, the bong heroes are always pictured as reasonably quiet, always reading some book or something and of course wearing a kurta. Not that i am anywhere near an intellectual, but I kinda walk around unshaven these days – basically bored of my own old looks, but perfectly unsuspecting of this huge sudden downfall in my own mallu self esteem.

Of course, there’s one similarity between mallus and bongs – since the literacy rate is pretty high in these states,people spend more time reading than working  😉 . I still remember the long breaks carpenters used to take when there was some work going in our house..they sure used to ask for newspaper that time!  Neway, the point is that i may look like a intelligent bong these days, but yeah go ahead and try the acid test on me if u r confused and dont give me time to react 🙂

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Preparing for the Mad race!

Posted by Girish Krishnan on November 9, 2006

Of late, there have been some occasions where i have been asked to share some high level Bschool gyan with people.Though that brings to the bigger question of how a mad man can suggest a cure for madness 😉 , i thought it would good to write about some fundamental issues which some of us face while deciding on a career.

Though this post is dedicated to B-schoolers who would be fighting it out in placements the same way as my batch went about some months back, i guess it is fairly applicable to a larger community. I remember being so confused of what jobs to apply and trying to connect it with what i would become when i am 45 (huh, the way it is goin, i may be beaten up to heavenly abodes before that ;-0 ).

This is not (at all!) a serious post and i see this as a macro view on the job market – a treatise titled “A strategic stimulation to picking your employment” than a Framework to quantifiably arrive at a suitable job (..meaning most of it is crap!)

Here’s a lateral take on how “Gautama” finds his job…The name signifies an enlightened personality! Note that Gautama is a fictitious person who has generic skills which is applicable to any industry. If you are  experienced in a particular area, there is already a bias towards some careers because of ur background – the rules could be different in those cases. But Gautama doesnt have any such biases and uses a very simplistic framework to figure out what he wants to do in life!

Gautama looks at only three things in true MECE spirit and asks himself a killer question to decide on the answer. The three things are What to work for?, Where to work?, and How much to work? (the third question is a negative on aspiration, but in real life there are philosophies and then there are boundaries :-)).

Gautama looks at what gives him satisfaction at work
– Innovation
– Power
– Social Impact
(If you study the industries and roles, many of them directly map to one of the above attributes that dominate in there.)

he also looks at various industries’
– Growth
– Margins
– Rate of change
(whats the point in sloggin it out in a low margin industry when there are others which would give you more returns if you put in more work!)

then he looks at the weightage he gives for various parameters in his life
– Work
– Family Life
– Others – travel, art, hobbies
(Everything is a personal choice – If u r happy with ur pick, thats all what matters at EOD)

Finally Gautama asks himself the killer question (credit to one of my “truly enlightened” friends for helping to frame this one in such a subtle manner!)

Am i a curd rice eater or a Paneer eater?

If you are a curd rice eater, there is a particular way in which you would behave in life and it seldom changes! Some jobs are not suited for these category of people, and jobs which give intellectual stimulation quite often may be a good idea to pursue. Paneer eaters have their own way, and appear to be really driven people. They fit into a bigger variety of roles than the curd rice eaters!

Boom! – with this structure and by trying to build on nodes to it, u shud have figured out something (atleast that i am trying to confuse you! he he).

One important aspect i wish to emphasize over here is that one should always start from first principles while deciding on a career. Look at your experience as generic skills gathered than getting stereotyped with the background you come from. May be it will take time getting adjusted to a new career, but what do a couple of years’ difference make in the bigger scheme of things? nothing!!!. I recommend being prepared to take that tradeoff when you make a decision.

Now for the execution part – Irrespective of the category you fall into, there are two serious mistakes you could commit.
– Being unaware of the opportunities around
– Not really wanting/(being committed to) what you aim at.

This principle is generally applicable to many things in life, esp for people who have the ability to get something which they aim at. For them it is fear of commitment than fear of failure that poses the whether or not to pursue an option question!. (Now, Joey would get confused at that statement!) It is important to really want something and then go for it on full steam, than be apprehensive of the process that gets u in or thinking about what would happen after you get the job.

So much for fundaes, now let me tell you something worthwhile – unlike some of us, “Gautama” would have pretty much figured this out the during his early days of his Bschool life or even before that 🙂 But again, “late” is always good start, and may be the best of starts (in true Shawshank style!)….For now you are trying to regain lost ground and that definitely gives “focus”!

Posted in Humour, Interviews, MBA Info-Sources, Work Life | 2 Comments »

Older yeah , wiser?

Posted by Girish Krishnan on September 28, 2006

I have decided to make a post after each birthday. Its amazing how life changes each year, and it is interesting to observe subtle differences in one’s own writing style and attitude if he/she keeps marking these milestones.

I believe i should take a moment off here before i complete this story, to acknowledge my friends whom i stay together with. My roomies are both media eccentric, one obsessed with pen (master blogger) and the other with pictures (photographer!). I have my privacy concerns living with these two, but i should confess that contrary to my expectations, things have gone really well till now 🙂 – We enjoy each other’s company and have succeeded in avoiding scandals because of mutual respect (Actually its equilibrium due to mutual fear since i am not bad in these stuff either – would strategically fall in between the two :-D)..

I got a very honest wish yesterday, one of my best pals called me up early in the morning and told me that “giksaa, u just got older!” – True, birthdays are sober events. I had slept off half an hour before a zillion websites around the world where i have registered my date of birth increased my age by one! But, this is where the loved ones help out – though i missed it, my pals,esp the one with a brand new digi SLR took snaps of me during my ageing process…

Photo at 11:55, book between two fingers, smiling face, me all covered up in an orange coloured,ethnic comfortor and of course, asleep
Photo at 12:01, book on the bed, smile all gone, body tilted to the sides, hand gone underneath the head as support!!

Well, here’s a chance to juxtapose symbolism into life’s changes, and i leave that to your imagination 🙂

And what makes a sober event like a birthday really worthwhile to endure are simple gestures like these – Those simple lines of text sent in through orkut scraps, sms, e-mails by your friends & well wishers really made my day!!!  So to everyone, who wished me, wanted to wish me but couldnt and would have wished me if you knew it was my birthday, thank you for your wishes and nice thoughts!!  And now, just because of ur gestures i am waiting for another occurence of a sober day like this in my life….

That also takes me back to a tech-thought – I am convinced once again by the power of the net as it fetched me the maximum number of wishes i’ve ever received on a birthday..the internet revolution – u can feel it….

Posted in Humour, Work Life | 6 Comments »

It rained that night…

Posted by Girish Krishnan on August 8, 2006

It rained that night
It poured after that

I was looking for respite if any
but it kept on thru the next one

And finally the one that shook me,
wasnt them, but was this one!

~ a poor electric post 

Three days of continuous rain has left a mark on the city of the Nizam!

The smooth roads have suddenly got covered with crumbling debris and the whole of Hyderbad looks as if the mine field underneath burst. One can only wonder if it got triggered by the usual whirlwind generated by the constant circling of the CM’s scorpio battalion!

For people not familiar with this city, the number of cables (electricity/cable/telephone/internet/pole support and what not) on the road sides are good enough to serve as a roof/shelter for gypsies! And the environment minister touts that as his reason for not planting trees in the city since the wire bunch compensates for the shade anyway :-). Well, he needs to rethink on that statement, as most of the wires are down – and yeah there is good amount of electricity stealing also taking place because it is freely available everywhere!

“After every fall there is a rise” – Philosophical as it might sound, its simple truth in most Indian cities! After a rain in Hyd, whenever you see a sloping part of the road, remember that there is a heap of metal/sand/dirt mixture thats lying ahead of your path and in the middle of the road where it starts moving up! – Many thanks to the wonderful drainage system we have out here!

Post 2006 Summer rains, dogs have become more active in our area and their number has also gone up. I am not sure if i can attribute their newly found vigor to the rain or because of the increase in the number of bitches (as in feminine dogs) around:-). Some one can definitely come up with a “Freakenomics” type of explanation for this.

The huge Supply – Demand gap in the number of autos serving the city folks is extra obvious on rainy days. There is hardly any auto available to a rain-stuck pedestrian and the auto drivers are happily exploiting the rainy season demand spike. Some of these auto drivers have become extremely greedy and i told a couple of ones falling into this category that i will not pay them even a paisa more than what is displayed in the meter (should have indicated it thru an action – ne ways…).

Needless to say, I had to walk back home all the way from office soaking in the rain on both thursday and friday! As for the good takeaways from these incidents, other than feeling better psychologically, i could convince myself against going to the gym 😉

Posted in Humour, Work Life | 1 Comment »

Night Trouble in Yellareddyguda

Posted by Girish Krishnan on June 26, 2006

Funny thing happened yesterday. I had earlier mentioned the lack of solitude in our house because of its proximity to motor traffic and of course the presence of a giant TV which seldom gets rest courtesy “the photo guy”. Having been brought up in more peaceful regions, I have always been eager to hide in quieter places of the city. I even go bulk packing to nearby parks on weekends just to get that “Kerala” feeling.

Anyways, what I wanted to tell you guys is that like a nocturnal creature, I eagerly wait for nightfall – only for enjoying the solitude (and not for anything else – u ugly minds!).

And Sunday night 1 O’Clock, that happened. The photographer fell asleep in the sofa and I managed to switch off the TV without waking him up. Perfect – quiet and cool – this is what I like most in my life– la la laaa la….I shall build a house in Munnar some day, and own a tea estate….la la laaa..

Whoo – whoo – whoo —- All of a sudden,breaking the silence of the night a police jeep passes by –, continuously howling like a jack ass!

And that my friends, triggers off a series of unfortunate events. Firstly, the tramps in the area recognize it as the mating call from a famous dog siren and reciprocate strongly. The attraction is so intense that they continue howling for a considerable period of time. This in turn wakes up the photo guy, who upset with himself for not keeping the TV working, switches it on.

Well, things have gone out of control and I give-in to fate.  Good bye – airiness and solitude. We will meet again some other day..Slaaam and zzzzzz..

Posted in Humour, Work Life | 2 Comments »